This is AMAZING!

I just came across something I wrote and it's dated March 9th, 2006. Exactly 1 month and a week after my Mother passed away. I'm pretty sure what I wrote was inspired by my Mother's death, but not in a good way! As I look back and see how hurt I REALLY was and everything that was going through my mind, I'm SO happy that I overcame it all...it took time but I can honestly say I'm not in that place anymore. Of course I may have my moods every once in a while, but I don't think it'll EVER be as badd as it once was, I am so proud of myself =) READ THIS....


[my exact wording]
"Deep down inside..... 3.9.06"

Deep down inside, there's a girl who feels rejected, depressed, betrayed and under stress
Deep down inside, she feels clueless, confused, stupid, and unhappiness
Deep down inside, she feels phoniness from friends, backstabbers and all of the above
Deep down inside, she feels hurt and sad so she goes and looks for love
Deep down inside, she knows what's right and always follows her heart.
Deep down inside, she wishes that her and her loved ones will never be apart
Deep down inside, she wants to fit in, make new friends, but at the same time she don't
Deep down inside, she know who's there and has her back and the one's who won't
Deep down inside, she's trying to find the "real" from the "fake"
Deep down inside, she is listening to all the good and bad advice, but don't know which one to take
Deep down inside, she know's what you're thinking and how you feel so don't try to hide
This is ME and how i feel....Deep down inside!


AFTER READING THIS 4 YEARS LATER...I am amazed!Not only by how good of a writer I am =) lol BUT that i ACTUALLY felt this way!! It made me think like "Daannggg, I was really going thru it" but after i think about it, it was not THAT bad!! It couldn't have been that bad, I overcame it and i THANK my friends, family, && God! Back then i was sooooo lost and felt like i lost my ONLY guidance in life (my Mommy) but as i grew up, i realized i didn't =) Wow. is all i can say! And I'm not even ashamed to share this with the world because I KNOW it's girls who feel like this, younger than me, my same age, older than me, it's some people out there who feel the same way. And i just want you to know......IT'S OKAY =) I promise it is! I feel for you and i'll pray for everyone who may be going thru this. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! <3

R.I.P Michael Jackson

For all of the Michael Jackson fans and Michael Jackson himself just thought I write a post in respect to him and all of his GREAT work! He seemed to affect aaallloottt of people, a lot of people grew up listening to Mike, and he inspires so many. Today marks a year of his death, just remembering him on this day. All of you Michael Jackson/Jackson 5 fans.....SMILEEE he loved you =)

Realizing who I am...

It's amazing how long it can take for someone to finally "find themself"...I'm ready to give up my search and be who I want to be without worrying what you, You, or YOU have to say about it! I realized, I am KaRita. A lite-skinned, pretty girl who laughs at almost anything, bigg foreheaded, slightly goofy, gets irritated quickly, always wanting new people in her life, girly girl, has rhythm, but still can't dance, country talkin', God fearing, spoiled but not so much a brat, open minded, creative individual. I stare A LOT, I can barely sit still, I'm somewhat secretitive, I'm smart but I hate school, I wish i was about 2 inches taller, I'm not perfect, I'm still shy and I have bigg dreams =) I'm no model [never had a passion for it] but i LOVE models [if that makes sense] I secretly want to be a singer [although I can't sing if my life depended on my vocals] and I want to play in a horror film one day *laughing but serious*...I'm a city type girl who wants to get out of Chicago, I belong in a fast city, but not the hood lol.I love the color Pink, I still have a Tweety Bird room #dontjudgeme, I can draw, and I use writing to express myself. JUST TO NAME A FEW BECAUSE......

I mean, I can go on and on about myself. My point is, THIS IS ME, what you read above is my baggage and I bring it with me wherever I go...I've accepted who I am and what you see is obviously what you get. I can't change my past and I can't be who I'm not. I had to learn to love my flaws and my own dislikes of myself. I'm still in the process of learning what's my purpose in life and I'm still growing/maturing into a wonderful young woman!


BOOP!!! lol

omg....it's a diamond in her face!!!!! lol

I wonder....

You know what.
I wonder.
Why...
Why do I miss her soo much?
Idk if I miss what I remember?
Or do I miss what it could have been?

Okay....wait....let's make things clear.
I'm talking about my MOTHER people lol

Idk if I miss what I remember?.....
Sometimes it's hard to remember her.
I try so hard to remember her voice, to remember how she say's my name, to remember how she smells.
But it's hard sometimes.
I miss having a Mommy.
Rather I remember everything about her or not.
I used to be jealous of my friend's or strangers who still has their Mother in their life.
But now, I learned to just admire.
Seeing a mother with her daughter gives me a warm feelings inside.
Makes me smile.
Even though i wish it could be me.
I'm just happy that daughter still has her Mother.
Losing a parent causes the worst pain ever that I don't like anyone experiencing.
A pain that never ends, only heals a little every day.
But never goes away.

Or do I miss what it could have been?....
I am 20 years old.
It's been 4 years without my Mommy.
Wow...4 years...a lot could have happened, a lot would have happened.
I wonder, if Mommy was still here, what kind of relationship would we have?
How would my life be?
Where would we be?
I just wonder and think soooo much.
How would the choices I've made been different?
What advice would I have gotten from her that I'll never hear now?
I just wonder.
When I think about her and when i say i miss her..
I think I miss more of what it would feel like to have a Mother today.

But...
Even without a Mother, I've learned so much.
Through my Daddy, through my Aunties, Grandma's, Cousins, Friend's.
Through God.
I have to say, God gives the best advice.
What I hear in church, i take to the heart.
Everything that is said, relates to life, relates to every situation.
God answers all of my questions.

I'm so glad my mother was a religious lady.
I'm so glad that every Sunday she woke me up and asked "Are you coming to church with me?"
I'm so glad I said "Yes!"

I'm so thankful that because of her, I believe, I go to church.
I'm so thankful that ever since I was young, she wanted me to know God.

So that when she left me....I wouldn't be alone.

Look at how far she has come...Dondria - You're the One!

I admire Dondria, her dedication, and her humble spirit so much! Although I am not an artist or no where near it, she is awesome! Her new HIT single "You're the One" is HOTT on every radio station and she has gained a huge fan base! It's amazing how someone could start from singing other artists' songs on Youtube to having a major record deal with SoSo Def and having HER own fans sing HER songs on Youtube! Dondria's voice is breath taking and I believe she'll make it far! You gotta love her! =)

SKYPE ME BABYYY =)

i finaalllyyy use my skype! for like the 1st week i was on STRONG, lately i haven't been on too much! but i lovee skype! if we're cool and i've spoken to you before, i wouldn't mind skyping with you, just no complete strangers please, lol! my skype name is : ritalovezyou ....add me =)

ahahaha. i guess you can say i "blackmailed" my friends while on skype. these are just the ppl i remembered to take pictures of lol i have more friends, you could be next!!!! sorry guys, lol.

**my friends that have the "@ [then name]" follow em on TWITTER =)**